For those of you that know me well, you will know that I have been single for almost 5 years now. In fact, it will be five years on Valentine’s Day (happy singleton anniversary to me).


Today, I think it’s time a shared that story. To give you some context, I should probably regale you with the ups and downs of my only serious relationship (before I get to the part where we break up). So join me in grabbing a glass of wine and we shall journey together into my deep rooted relationship issues. Sounds fun right?

I met Simon when I was 18. We very quickly fell into a pattern of seeing each other, and eventually (after much stubbornness on his part) got into a relationship. I’d never been somebody’s “girlfriend” before, so I was always keen to do things to make him happy, and he obviously loved the attention. As the relationship progressed, we did the traditional things, meeting each others parents, spending birthdays together and going on holidays. I was infatuated. I essentially worshiped the ground that this guy walked on. It was pretty immature now I look back at it (and now I’ve grown qualities beyond that of a doormat) but I just wanted him to love me – I just threw up in my mouth a bit at that sentence.

Pretty early on, we had the ultimate test in any relationship, I moved 300 miles away to University. For a year, long distance was great – when I say great, I mean, I went home every two weeks to see him and spent the majority of my student loan on train fares. Things only really changed when I went in to my second year at university. I got a job in a coffee shop which meant I couldn’t go home all the time.

Simon hated it. He didn’t like my new friends and the tone of our relationship definitely changed. He did a bunch of things over the next two years to try and hurt me, I don’t really like to talk about it, but here’s the highlights (and yes, they’re all true):

  • Cheated on me multiple times
  • Read, responded to and deleted text messages from my friends
  • Stole money from me
  • Got another girl pregnant
  • Convinced me that I was emotionally unstable

I realise I’m very brief here, but five years later it’s still very difficult for me to openly discuss

Each time something like this happened, I went back to him. I’d been manipulated into thinking I needed him, and no matter how much my friends tried to tell me, I just didn’t listen.

The final straw came on Valentine’s Day 2013. I wasn’t spending it with Simon, as I had work the next day. I was sad, but we agreed we would meet the following weekend. He didn’t text me all day and then when he did, I could tell he was in a bad mood. He asked what my plans were, I said I was having a few drinks with my best friend Monica and then we were heading to a party at a friends house. Out of the blue, he lost it. Simon told me that under no circumstances was I to go to that party. I had to go home straight way and he would give me ten minutes to get home and call him.

I saw red, I wasn’t having it anymore. I would not let Simon ruin yet another night with my friends! I turned off my phone immediately and drank the best part of two bottles of wine to myself. Here’s where the story gets funny (and kinda sad), Monica had a packet of water balloons left over from summer, and I don’t know why my drunken brain thought this was a good idea, but I filled each one and took them over to the window.

I was drunk and angry, but most of all, I was jealous of everyone else in a relationship at that very moment. That’s when it happened (and I’m not proud of this) I began to hurl the water balloons out of the flat window at passing couples. Now I don’t remember the finer details of this, as my memory gets a bit hazy after that point, but apparently I screamed the words ‘LOVE IS A LIE’ as I threw the balloons. Like I said, not one of my finest moments.


Basically, the story of my first relationship ends there. We tried to reconcile, but I realised I just wanted to be happy, and ultimately, that wasn’t with Simon. Because you know, he’s a massive b***end. I suppose there are two lessons here:

If someone tries to control you for a long time, there needs to come a day where you finally find the strength to say enough is enough.

Also, all the best friends will have a supply of wine and water balloons.


2 thoughts on “Simon.

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