Tinder Gold or a Big Mac? The real philosophical question. (Guest Blog)

Disclaimer, number 1 – this is from a hetero, cis-woman perspective. Disclaimer, number 2 – this is best read while eating a Big Mac. Like most literature. (Except maybe a Joe Wicks – The Body Coach book)

Sure, I would love to meet Prince Charming in a stylish coffee shop because he saw that I was reading into the effects of member diversity in top management team on organisational performance, and he thought ‘wow this stunningly beautiful woman must also be really smart and I need to hear her thoughts and opinions for the rest of my life’… but let’s be realistic. It’s 2018, we’re Instagram-ing our flat whites and avocado toast, and the world doesn’t work like that anymore. (Not to shit on Instagram, Flat Whites or Avocado’s, these are three of my favourite things).

I am single. I am in my mid-twenties. I have been using Tinder and other apps for longer than I care to admit. And I got a one month subscription of Tinder Plus which was the same price as a Big Mac Meal – let’s see which one of these decisions was unhealthier. So sit back and relax, take those McDonalds fries, dip them into that strawberry milkshake, and enjoy while I recount the experiences of Tinder Gold.

Pros:

1. No need to complete the time consuming, job application/graduate-scheme-esque psychometric tests of Match.com or E-Harmony (goodness knows us Millennials have done enough of that)

2. I can see all the people who’ve liked me and I only need to go through them rather than the infinite number of others in the who’s who of human crap that is Tinder

3. If I needed to, I could make myself invisible to all people who I have not ‘Liked’ -meaning that my co-workers, customers, stalkers and brothers would not see my dating profile. (but also, this means that you can hide yourself if you are married… and yes there is a story behind that one)

4. I can hide my age and distance (but I think we can all agree that that’s just a bit creepy – like what are you trying to hide?)

Cons:

1. You have the feeling of being watched – being notified of when you’ve been seen and liked by strangers in your vicinity is somewhat unnerving. The wider issue being that as you scroll through the smorgasbord of frying-pan-faced single dads who have liked you, you do not find yourself any closer to finding someone you’re attracted to. If anything, it makes the rejection process a lot more time consuming.

2. After having had my Tinder turned on for a day with a Tinder Plus for one day, I had 442 people who had liked me and after sifting through them I mutually matched with six and a conversation started with only two. (and yes, I do start conversations – I’m here to talk).

3. The feature of ‘Boosting’ your profile is only available once a month, unless you want to pay for more Boosts… the free market enthusiasts among the readerships will love that one. As a woman who is already desirable within these apps, because of the power of dynamics between heterosexual relationships (not just cos I’m super hot) so there’s very little advantage to being made more visible to people who already think of me as a two-dimensional commodity for their visual consumption.

4. At the end of the day, people still don’t fucking talk, it’s the same people on the app, so it’s still a who’s who of human crap, and a Tinder Plus account doesn’t make any of the options available more compatible. You’re just paying money to be ghosted by fuckboys instead of doing this pro bono.

I should say, I do not believe that Tinder is the scourge of society as others seem to think it may be. 10 years ago, you would’ve met these people in a bar, but now the bar is an algorithm and you’re in your own living room, and you get to know a bit about them before you meet them. My tips to get Tinder to work for you are to actually talk to people, to know what you want out of using the app, and be ready to meet with the person you’ve matched with as soon as you can. Tinder is not a tool to build your relationship, it is a tool to put you in contact with people around you and for you to take this further if you want to. There are now a number of people who have gotten married to someone they’ve met on Tinder, are in committed relationships with someone they’ve met on Tinder, and there are plenty of people who have had fun casual encounters. What you should take away from this is that you’re worth it, you’re valuable, and you look a million dollars and fifty cents, so you don’t need to pay another penny for Tinder Plus. Instead you could get a monthly Big Mac subscription. Tinder is what you make it. It’s up to you if your Mr Right is going to be a Mr Right, a Mr Right-Now, or a Mr Right-Swipe.

-Edit-

I asked the writer of this blog how she felt about people knowing that she used Tinder Gold (the setting on the app means that other users might be able to see you’ve got it)

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So judge for yourself, will you be investing in Tinder Gold to heighten your chances of finding someone to snuggle with to wait of the Beast from the East? – or will you take more comfort in a Maccies…it’ll never leave you (but also won’t message you back)

xxx

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