Ok; I’ll admit it. I’ve been avoiding posting. It’s not because I haven’t wanted to. I’ve just been reflecting. Sometimes I wonder whether or not this blog is a good idea. When I set it up and first publicly posted, a couple of guys got in touch and asked if I would ever write about them. Funnily enough these were men that weren’t note-worthy at all, mostly because they weren’t very interesting as humans, but also I didn’t feel that the experiences I’d shared with them were worth talking about.
One opinion that really stuck was from a guy I really respect, he told me that I should never expect to get a boyfriend if I was going to write about men in such a way. It was hurtful and initially it knocked my confidence. Nevertheless, I pressed on, determined to share my stories about life, love and dating.
Whenever I meet a new man, I’m cautious to share my blog with them. Most of them recoil in terror because they think I’m going to write a post about them – oh honey, please, you have to be really interesting to make it on to this blog. I’ve even had guys un-match me on Tinder when they find out. Regardless, I’ve started avoiding questions about my writing and just passed it off as a ‘lifestyle’ blog if they asked.
Fast forward to January, where I met yet another man that I’d been to university with! Seriously, are all these men just relocating to Newcastle? The last man I’d ‘reunited’ with was Ed. So my hopes weren’t particularly high when I first started chatting to Tony. We’d actually done the same course at university and had a lot of mutual friends. Although we’d never properly spoken whilst we were students. He was articulate and witty. I couldn’t tell if he fancied me but we agreed to go for a drink to ‘catch up’.
I’d obviously double checked with the few mutual friends that we did have, and I’d been reassured that he was ‘a nice guy’….ha – you know where this is going, right?
We met at a bar in town and initially conversation was awkward. He was quite reserved, and didn’t seem to have much to say. This got better when we’d had a couple of drinks. We shared stories about university and what we’d been up to since we graduated. He was hilarious, and genuinely showed an interest in what I had to say. Then it happened. He asked about the blog. Fuck. What was I supposed to say? Well, slightly-tipsy Lauren had already started talking before actual Lauren could stop her. I told him the blog was about my experiences of dating in my twenties. He was intrigued and asked the question that all men ask “So, are you going to write about me?” I was polite and said I’d only really write about experiences a while after they’ve happened, and only if I feel there’s a story to tell.
A quiet drink quickly turned into four (fairly strong) pints and I was definitely starting to feel it. We were hidden away in a quiet corner of the pub, so nobody paid any attention when Tony leaned in to kiss me. Things escalated and soon we were in an Uber back to my place, it didn’t feel like a one time thing, maybe because we sort of knew each other, I felt like I could trust Tony.
When we got back to my house, we had a lot of fun. I felt relaxed and Tony made me feel really comfortable. It was good. REALLY good. After we’d finished, Tony leaned over me, put his hand in the small of my back, and said something that I’ll never forget…
“Write about that in your blog.”
I was speechless. I could feel tears pricking my eyes. I felt so used. I held it together and just laughed it off. It was arrogant and disrespectful. Tony made his excuses and left, at 2am. He has made no effort to speak to me since.
I still have no idea why Tony said that. Maybe he slept with me out of spite, or simply just said it because he thought was being funny. Perhaps it was his own level at arrogance and how good he thought he was in bed. Either way, it caught me off guard. For a while I’ve been reluctant to share my experiences, but on reflection, I think it’s important to talk about what we will and won’t put up with when it comes to the world of dating. Also, I know a lot of you enjoy reading these posts – so I’m feeling refreshed and determined to get back to it. If men don’t feel comfortable with what I do, that’s their problem, not mine.
So congratulations Tony, you got your blog post – Asshole.