David & Zoe

I should probably premise this by saying that I don’t believe in marriage…not in the sense that I don’t believe it exists, more that I just don’t think it’s the right choice for me. Could you imagine? Having to have sex with the same person? For the rest of your life?! No thank you.

[It’s also because I don’t think any man would be crazy enough to sign up to having to deal with me for the rest of their life….but the first part makes me feel better about myself, so we’ll go with that]

Now we’ve got that bit out of the way, I’ll get to the good part.

I first started chatting to David around year ago. He was funny, attractive and very open about the fact that he didn’t want anything serious. That’s cool. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to dating. I wasn’t sure what I wanted either so I was open to just seeing where things went.

After a couple of days of chatting we’d agreed that sex was on the cards (RESULT). Then David said something that caught me off guard…

“Yeah, I’d love to try something more adventurous. The girl I f**k regularly is pretty vanilla.”

First of all, rude! Any man should be lucky that he’s getting sex, but I understood what he meant. I can’t think of anything worse than being committed to mediocre sex.

Second of all…WHAT? He hadn’t mentioned he was already seeing someone. I shrugged it off, plenty of people have open, non-committal arrangements. At least he was being upfront about it.

Then it got a bit weirder. David insisted that I get to know his vanilla gal better (you can see where this is going right? But in my state of naivety, I carried on). Her name was Zoe and before I knew it, David had given her my number and we were chatting away like old friends. Zoe and I agreed to meet for a drink later that week. It seemed weird that he would willingly let us hang out. The day before I met Zoe for a drink, I decided to do a bit of detective work. I Facebook stalked them both and I quickly learned that they were more than just ‘regular f**k buddies’ they were all over each others social media. These people were in a relationship. What had I gotten myself into?!

Despite all this, I made a good gal-pal in Zoe and we agreed to still go for a drink. We sat down, drinks in hand and then I noticed it. The gigantic diamond on her finger. Jesus, the thing was big enough to sink the titanic! Turns out…they were engaged. Yep, engaged. As in; betrothed, getting hitched, promising themselves to each other for the rest of their days.

Why is my life so ridiculous?!

To cut a long story short, they were an engaged couple looking for a threesome. It was both funny and ridiculous. After a couple of drinks I was feeling pretty adventurous and  had a pure ‘YOLO’ moment. To make sure I wasn’t going to get murdered, I sent photos of them to my good friend, Sean.




When Zoe and I arrived back at their place, it was incredibly awkward. Nobody really knew what to do. We soon relaxed after a couple more drinks and you know what? It was actually good fun. We said our goodbyes, then David and Zoe kindly sent me home in a taxi with a can of Pepsi for sustenance. Very generous of them.

Since it happened, David got in touch and asked if I’d consider it again, apparently it’s done wonders for their relationship. Once is quite enough for me, so I politely declined. Great story though, right?


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