So, blog fans, I have something to tell you. I’ve been seeing someone. However given the nature of this blog, I think you are pretty safe in your assumption that I’m not seeing him any more.
I met Neil back in February and he was intelligent, charismatic and cheeky. He had a great job and made me feel special. Very quickly we moved from texting to speaking on the phone, for three hours at a time, every night. He made me feel good about myself and assured me he wasn’t like other guys. Obviously, I was skeptical. No man spoke to me like this before. I couldn’t believe it. My friends told me to put my reservations to one side and accept this guy as genuine (first mistake).
The more I spoke to Neil, the more I started to come round to the idea that he actually liked me (second mistake). He told me things like “you’re amazing” and “I’m so lucky I met you” – I’d hit the jackpot!
We went on a few dates and he was chatty and polite. He was very quickly becoming someone I was emotionally invested in, and boy did he know it! Although I really liked the guy, I noticed that he was becoming more and more arrogant as I got to know him. He was not the kind of person I usually went for….so why was I pursuing him? I can tell you exactly why, it’s because when he said something awful, he’d end the sentence with a compliment. So I’d forget the shoddy stuff he’d just said.
Neil would often talk about all the other ‘psycho’ girlfriends he’d had [side note: only shitty men use this tactic]. It made me question everything I said. I didn’t want to be branded a crazy bitch, so I stopped challenging things, and became needy for his attention. What was I turning in to?
After a couple of months, the phone calls slowed, and Neil made less and less time for me. Any time I brought this up, he just kept telling me how busy he was with work, and that I was overthinking. He’d avoid questions when I asked him to do something. It got to the point where Neil hadn’t spoken to me properly in a week, and I’d noticed that all I was doing was complaining about it. I decided to say how i really felt. If he was genuine, then he would ease my worries.
We haven’t spoken since that last exchange, and honestly it’s for the best. I can’t just pursue someone because they said a few nice things to me once. He clearly wasn’t interested and just wanted to turn things around to make me look like I was being an idiot – that way it wouldn’t damage his ego.
I’ve condensed a lot of the full story, because I want to get to the main point of how this last encounter has made me feel…
Men are shit. Not even a little bit shit. REALLY SHIT.
I know what you’re thinking “But Lauren, not all men….” – listen, when you’ve had as many negative experiences as I’ve had (just scroll through the previous posts) I think you can understand why I would say, yes…yes all men.
My experiences with men have become so negative that I have genuinely started to believe that men are incapable of forming serious emotional attachments. It makes me incredibly sad. I know that I shouldn’t let the negative moments from the past dictate my view or cloud my judgement, but seriously….COME ON! How much bad luck can one person have when it comes to dating?
What is so inexplicably wrong with me, that no man would want to get in to a serious relationship with me? And it’s not just me that feels this way. Me and my single girl friends often talk about how we’re sick of fuckboys and done with dating. You just need to have a quick browse of Instagram and you see loads of sassy ladies expressing their discontent when it comes to men – some of them are pretty funny, 10/10 banter.
The sad reality is, dating in my twenties has become shit. It’s not supposed to be like this, it’s supposed to be an adventure. I used to look at going on first date as a win-won scenario, I either meet someone I really get on with, or, I have an evening out and meet a new person (probably with a hilarious anecdote attached). But for now, I think it’s time I took a break from dating and remember how awesome I am on my own – don’t worry, there’s still plenty to tell you guys about, so the blog’s not going anywhere.